The Bouncy Balls

Best senior prank ever ... way better than letting 10 chickens loose in the school last year! During my first period class I sent a student out in the hall to "look sad" because she had angered me. What? You don't do that?

Anyway, as she returned minutes later she popped in the door and announced, "Dude, there are balls outside!" The customary giggles ensued, then I sought clarification in my customary way ... raising my eyebrows and stating "Quoi?" "Seriously, there are like a million bouncy balls out there!" A child in my own right, I quickly sent three students out with plastic bags to "do me a favor and get some balls!" Again, the giggles - but who cares?! I get balls!

When the chosen ones returned, there was treasure a plenty - a plethora of balls for everyone! Being the clan leader, I of course kept most for myself, but I did choose to share my booty with all of my students. Apparently, this was not the most intelligent leadership decision I would make that day. Ten minutes later, they were still not on task - they were playing with their balls. I had to announce, "Okay guys, put away your balls and get to work." I giggled (wouldn't you?)

Minutes later all but two students were back on task. Approaching the first easily distracted young lady, I stated, "I know you're having fun, but there's a time and a place - you need to put your balls away ..." [insert giggle again] She acquiesced. I then approached the second student, a young man. "Dude, you need to stop playing with your balls and get to work," did I mention that he's the only male in the class? After the onslaught of giggles were quelled by my raised eyebrow, I turned to him again only to see that he continued to play and seemed to have no intention of conceding.

Finally, I stated, "Okay, hand them over, you can have them back at the end of class." "Mrs. G - stop trying to take my balls!" was his well-worded response. [Oh, good. This will go well.] "I don't want them, I just need you to give them to me so you can focus better." "Why do you want my blue balls?!" Because the lack of creativity in this response, I sent him outside to the hall to look sad.

Five minutes later (after I had forgotten about him being out there), one of the other students declared with astounding steadiness in her voice, "Mrs. G, can Austin come back in? I think he's done playing with his balls in your class." Another students piped in, "Yeah, you put them in your desk, remember?" "And there they shall remain!"

Oh, God ... she's back.

As a child of the 90's who graduated high school in 2003, it was a general consensus among my generation that the 80's were the absolute worst decade for clothing and fashion in the 20th century. I know people who dressed as Cyndi Lauper for Halloween - not because she's a great singer, but because she was the archetype for the fashion disaster that was the 1980's. So what do we see passing for fashion now? Mini-Cyndis. Sadly, it's not a joke, it's not on homecoming's "Crazy Dress" week, it's not even a cry for attention ... it's their fashion. Am I getting old or is our society to the point of regressing? I know and have taught that fashion ideas cycle around every 20-30 years, but it's much more traumatic when you see the Halloween of your past prancing around in your room 8 hours a day. Happy Halloween kids!

Twisted Mother Goose

One of my favorite assignments in Child Development is when I have the students do some creative writing using one of the 8 Alternative Conception Options we learn about (i.e. In-Vitro, ZIFT, Artificial Insemination, Surrogacy, etc).

Below is one of the best from today's class as written. As you read it, keep in mind that there is only one male in the class, and he had the honor of saying only the words in parentheses ... try to imagine that if you will.

**Be warned: it is not a happy ending, and it's a little crude. **

Sex with Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of "water" (sperm)

They had a few hurdles because Jack was infertile

And he wanted to soon be a father.

Jack fell down and broke his "crown" (penis)

And Jill needed his sperm

But there was none to be found.

They needed a donor

Because of Jack's broken (boner)

And they wanted a baby around

And with an idea quite terrific,

They went to the clinic

And Jill got injected with semen

And with her hopes up,

She got knocked up

And found out the following weekend.

And with bruises and headaches,

A little heartache

(Because frankly, irony kills).

The saddest thing since they married

Jill had miscarried

Because Jill had once more fell down the hill.

We've Got Spirit!

"Well class, on Monday we're going to start learning about male and female reproductive anatomy, menstruation, and conception so that we can have a deep understanding of prenatal development. I have a special box here [enter box with key terms written on the side: uterus, endometrium, sperm reservoir, testes, glans, urethra, etc] and you're able to put the questions burning up your little minds into the box without feeling all ... shall we say ... exposed."

At the mention of the word "uterus" the only male in the class of 25 students utters a simple, "Ew"

"Careful Austin, you're surrounded by 25 uteri ...

"We're going to do a penis cheer and then on Tuesday we're going to do a vagina cheer -"

One of the more vocal girls interjects, "What - like a cheer-cheer."

"Well kinda, it's more like when we go through the key terms I say the word and you repeat it ... with zeal ... and spirit-fingers."

"Dude - I'm not doing that."

"If you do it you get a sticker."

"Really? [momentary pause as she considers the possibilities] Is it a smelly sticker?"

"Nope, but it's pretty."

"Dude, I love stickers."

"Then bring your spirit-fingers on Monday!"